My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
