Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
