Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
