i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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