Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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