I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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