If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
