sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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