I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
