Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I want her autograph on my taint
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
