Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You smell like stripper and shame
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
