What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
