He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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