Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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