just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do herpes really smell.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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