I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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