just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
