Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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