i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
