I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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