Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
