Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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