Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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