Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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