the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
