Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
