my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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