I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
