Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I know her cup size but not her name....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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