Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we're making bets on your personal life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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