clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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