Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
