Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
