i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
