You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
