She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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