I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
