Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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