Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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