I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The best revenge is premature balding
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
