I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
