I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
