I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
