My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
