i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
