god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
