she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
