May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
