doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need water and some morals
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
