Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Someone signed my nipple.
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