3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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