Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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