Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
