Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
