I think my fart just growled at me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
