I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
