"it" just moved
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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