I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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