We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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