You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Green mimosas i think yes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
