Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
