whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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