Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sext me about skeletons
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
