she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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