Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
