i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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