i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Houston, we have a squirter
This is the high leading the old right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
