I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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