bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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