Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
