I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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