Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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