where am i from again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
