do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
