the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
