I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize