I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm like, not good at living.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
