why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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