I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
