She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
